There is an unsettling contradiction playing out in far too many Christian homes: husbands who never darken a church doorway or crack open a Bible unless they are brandishing a verse to keep their wives in line. They grumble about “submission,” yet show little evidence of submitting themselves to Christ. They quote Paul to tighten their grip but ignore his command that husbands must love their wives “just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her” (Ephesians 5:25). Such selective spirituality is not headship—it is hypocrisy, and it wounds families, shreds Christian witness, and mocks the gospel itself.
Jesus confronted hypocrisy more fiercely than almost anything else. His words in Matthew 7:5 thunder through the centuries: “You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.” A husband who never worships with his church or shepherds his household in the Word, yet invokes isolated verses as a cudgel, is staring through a plank the size of a tree. He is not leading; he is hiding—behind a façade of piety that collapses the moment anyone inspects the foundations.
True biblical headship begins in humility. It is forged on the pew, nourished in private prayer, and proven in daily self-sacrifice. Look again at Christ: He washed the disciples’ feet, fed the hungry, healed the sick, and finally stretched His arms on a cross. That is leadership. Anything less—especially any posture that demeans or controls a wife—stands under the rebuke of James 1:22: “Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says.”
Consider the ripple effect when husbands trade hypocrisy for holiness. Wives exhale. Children stop hearing mixed messages. A household once ruled by tension becomes a sanctuary of grace. And a watching culture, jaded by headlines of spiritual abuse, sees a living picture of the gospel: strength expressed through service, authority tempered by compassion, truth delivered with tenderness.
If you are that husband, this is not a verdict of hopelessness but an invitation to repentance. Confess to God—and to your wife—the gap between your words and your walk. Re-enter the life of your local church with consistency. Open Scripture not as ammunition but as nourishment, letting it cut you first before you ever wield it toward another. Seek older, godly men who will hold you accountable. Pray with your wife rather than preaching at her. In time, headship will cease to be a throne and become a towel wrapped around your waist.
Wives who endure this hypocrisy, know that Christ sees you. Your worth is anchored in His unwavering love, not in any distorted measure your husband may impose. Pray for him, yes—but also draw healthy boundaries, seek counsel from trusted leaders, and remember that submission never requires silent complicity with sin.
To every couple reading this, the path forward is not perfection but progress—step by hard-won step toward a home where Scripture is lived before it is quoted and where love is louder than control. Brothers, lay down the scepter of domination and pick up the cross of self-denial. Only then will your leadership echo heaven rather than the hollow chambers of hypocrisy.
Ready to dig deeper and reclaim Christ-like leadership at home? Listen to Episode 13 of The Lions for Christ podcast—“Building a Christ-Centered Marriage.” In that conversation we unpack practical habits, heartfelt prayer disciplines, and biblical insights that transform marriages from the inside out. Stream it on your favorite platform, subscribe, and share it with a friend who longs to lead with integrity. Join the Pride, access resources, and stand shoulder-to-shoulder with men committed to roaring in grace and truth. Your family—and your testimony—are worth the transformation. Keep roaring.
